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WATCH: Husband Accidentally Hits Screamer At Wife’s Head During Baseball Themed Gender Reveal Party

By
Gus
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For the past decade or so, couples from across the world have decided to let their friends and family know the gender of their expectant child through something known as a gender reveal party. I’m sure most of you know the drill — the couple think of a cute way to surprise everyone at a social setting by revealing if they will have a boy or a girl by popping some stupid balloons that are filled with either blue or pink powder. It started with using balloons to reveal the gender but lately couples are making things way more complicated than they have to be as opposed to just saying, “Hey everyone guess what? We’re having a girl.”

Yes, I know that I’m no fun.

A North Carolina couple recently had one of the biggest gender reveal fails I have ever seen in my life and I love every second of it. The premise of it was pretty simple — wife pitches ball to husband, husband swings to break the ball and the blue or pink smoke comes out.

Welp, it didn’t quite go as planned.

Laura Garner grabbed the ball filled with mystery powder and told her husband, Justin, to “just hit it real soft.” Unfortunately, the spirit of David Ortiz entered Justin’s body just before he took his “soft swing” and he let loose with one of the best 3-0 swings you’ll ever see.

Unfortunately for Laura, Justin connected.

The best part of this is hearing Justin say, “That didn’t go well.”

To add insult to the injury, the goddamned ball didn’t even break either. Add to THAT, the couple decided to do this at their 3-year-old’s birthday party so I’m pretty sure that kid will never play baseball again after watching daddy almost kill mommy with one vicious swing.

Before you freak out about me being insensitive, Laura was OK and the couple’s families got a good laugh out of the whole thing.

They took a second swing and the ball eventually broke.

Laura and Justin are expecting another baby boy this December.

 

KatyPerrysBootyHole And wetbutt23 Broke The Jose Quintana Trade A Day Before It Happened

By
Aldo Soto
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I remember sharing this Reddit link to our group chat last night and only did it to make fun of it. In the description the post read, “I heard from a friend who’s brothers friend works for the cubs (sounds like bullshit I know),” so yeah I didn’t take it seriously. Well, less than a day later Reddit user KatyPerrysBootyHole was proven to be 100 percent right about the Jose Quintana trade to the Chicago Cubs.

As we all know, the White Sox traded Quintana to the Cubs for Eloy Jimenez, Dylan Cease, Matt Rose and Bryant Flete. It was a 4-for-1 deal and it was announced by the teams on Thursday morning.

No national reporter had the story, but KatyPerrysBootyHole did on Wednesday.

Here’s the KatyPerrysBootyHole post to the White Sox subreddit.

Quintana rumor from whitesox

How did KatyPerrysBootyHole? Well, user wetbutt23 was his source.

wetbutt23 commented on the thread and made a correction. The Cubs were going to send four prospects, which they did.

Thursday, 10:23 a.m.

And two Internet legends are born.

White Sox Wanted Kris Bryant From Cubs For Chris Sale

By
Aldo Soto
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white sox address trading chris sale cubs

So apparently there’s been some chatter that the package the Chicago Cubs sent to the White Sox for Jose Quintana could have gotten Chris Sale in the offseason. LOL, no.

I’m not Bob Nightengale’s biggest fan, but this is coming right from Theo Epstein. There is no way that Eloy Jimenez, Dylan Cease, Matt Rose and Bryant Flete would get close to enough for Sale.

The White Sox were asking for Kris Bryant.

Yeah, I bet Theo hung up the phone before the White Sox finish saying “Bryant.”

There’s no doubt that Chris Sale is a beast, but no one is trading a 25-year-old MVP third baseman for a starting pitcher. That’s why it really was a surprise that the White Sox and Cubs did make a big deal because there was always the assumption that the White Sox would ask for the moon just as in insurance to not look bad in the future.

I think Eloy Jimenez is going to be a stud. I honestly don’t know a lot about Cease, but if he can stay healthy he has plenty of potential. However, neither of those guys are Kris Bryant.

Yet, Jimenez has been compared to Bryant, hitting wise by some people in the Cubs organization.

https://www.sportsmockery.com/2016/08/this-19-year-old-prospect-reminds-the-cubs-of-kris-bryant/

A reminder though, Eloy Jimenez still has not played above A-ball in the minors.

White Sox Picked Eloy Jimenez Over Kyle Schwarber In Jose Quintana Trade With Cubs

By
Aldo Soto
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How’s that for a blockbuster trade?

It’s the middle of July, the MLB All-Star Game was just played and there is nothing interesting happening in the sports world and then all of a sudden we’re treated to a huge deal.

The Chicago Cubs did exactly what they’ve been telling fans for months they were going to do. Jose Quintana is under contract through 2020, owed $29.85 million for the next three years. Having to trade away Eloy Jimenez stings, but that was always going to be the price for a top of the rotation pitcher.

It was a great deal for both sides, as the White Sox added two more top-100 prospects in MLB. Jimenez was recently ranked No. 5. For the Cubs, Quintana joins the North Side being one of the most consistent starting pitchers since 2013. He’s been as valuable as Jon Lester for the past 4.5 years.

Anyway, there have been some Cubs fans upset about having to trade Eloy Jimenez, but no matter what a fan-favorite was going to be shipped off for a starting pitcher. And the Cubs desperately needed a starter and now they have a great No. 2, who has the potential to be even better in the National League.

So, Jimenez is gone, but the Cubs and White Sox were reportedly talking about Kyle Schwarber. However, the White Sox weren’t going to let Jimenez slip away.

And yeah, Schwarber’s been terrible in 2017, but he still hasn’t played an entire MLB season and has proven power.

Yet, Jimenez may not have been what put the deal through. It appears as though Dylan Cease was the tipping point.

Obviously the White Sox wanted the top-hitting prospect but getting another arm was important as well.

Wonder how fans would have felt if this deal was made in the offseason, before Schwarber’s bad first half. Would White Sox fans prefer Schwarber more at that point?

Anyway, there aren’t many days when every baseball fan in Chicago can be happy. Today is one of those. A total win-win trade for the Cubs and White Sox.

Rick Hahn Literally Hid During All-Star Game to Complete Quintana Trade

By
Erik Lambert
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rick hahn and theo epstein

The baseball world was rocked on its heels when the announcement dropped. Top Chicago White Sox pitcher Jose Quintana was heading to the north side to join the Chicago Cubs. In exchange the rebuilding south siders got a bevy of young prospects including Eloy Jimenez, one of the best in the minor leagues right now. If only people knew just how espionage-like the discussions between Rick Hahn and Theo Epstein became.

According to CBS Chicago, the White Sox GM got in contact with the Cubs president at the All-Star game. Further proof that there is no set time or place to discuss a blockbuster deal that could alter the short and long-term futures of two franchises. Where it gets crazy is the lengths Hahn apparently went to so nobody would catch on to what he was doing.

Rick Hahn and Theo Epstein played the cloak and dagger game

“I get a phone call from Theo and I literally hid behind an exhibit at a fan fest to talk to Theo about the specifics of the deal.”

“I essentially had to ditch my child at the Miami Convention Center,” Hahn added in an interview on 670 The Score.

The call was important.

“At that point, he expressed a willingness to potentially include Jimenez and Case,” Hahn said. “We spent the next several hours, including the bulk of the time while I was sitting at the All-Star Game, texting back and forth trying to put together the final two pieces on the back end of this deal. From Sunday morning until the end of Tuesday night, it was a pretty quick turnaround on things. But you’re only able to do that because both sides, the White Sox and the Cubs, have spent all that time and the scouts and analysts and the front office have spent that amount of time preparing to move quickly this time of year. We had that level of comfort in terms of who these players are.”

A mutually beneficial venture

In essence it was a great deal for all involved. Quintana gives the Cubs a badly-needed young arm they can control for the next few years. He bolsters a rotation that has struggled due to age with three of their top guys over 30-years old. Quintana is 28. It’s also good for him because he joins the defending World Series champions. He finally has a chance to do some serious winning and gets to stay in Chicago.

For the White Sox it was a no brainer. They’re a rebuilding team. This deal gets them a top 10 minor league prospect in Jimenez and another top 100 in Cease. Suddenly their farm system went from barren to absolutely stacked in the space of just over a year.

If things play out as hoped, the idea of an all-Chicago World Series is something fans can seriously start thinking about.

Niklas Hjalmarsson’s Home Is For Sale, With Enough Room For An Outdoor Rink

By
Marc-Louis Paprzyca
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Niklas Hjalmarsson was traded less than a month ago to the Arizona Coyotes and the defenseman has wasted no time getting out of Chicago. He and his wife Elina have recently listed their Southport home for sale at $3.2 million.

The best part is that you don’t only get the home and the lot it is on, but the lot next door as well. That is valuable property and could even fit a small outdoor rink for the biggest of hockey fans.

Hjalmarsson bought the house in April 2015 for $2.3 million and the house next door for $900,000, which he proceeded to knock down to create the yard. When you factor in taxes and renovations, the family will be taking a small loss but they are headed to Arizona with lower cost of living and taxes. Chicagoans can’t feel too bad for them about this.

The recently renovated 5 bedroom home has four floors with high-end Subzero and Thermidor appliances, two rooftop decks and two laundry rooms. You can see the full listing and photos from Alex Till of Baird & Warner, here.

Follow @Pappy_Hour on Twitter for more Blackhawks news and musings. 

Former Pro Bowler Takes Totally Uncalled For Shot at Mike Glennon

By
Erik Lambert
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mark sclereth mike glennon

A Mark Schlereth rant about Mike Glennon was not something Chicago Bears fans expected to hear. Then again not many people these days know who he is. Or at least why he’s a prominent name at Fox Sports 1 after an extended run on ESPN. So here’s a quick recap. Schlereth is a former Pro Bowl guard who won three Super Bowls including one with Washington and two with Denver.

Since then he’s transitioned to the job of analyst where he’s become a highly outspoken personality on social media. His Twitter feed is always active, but he also has a podcast called The Stinkin Truth. Now to be fair Schlereth does have an entertaining personality. He’s definitely a character. However, as his most recent show indicates he can also be a bit of a jackass.

Mark Schlereth’s comments about Mike Glennon had nothing to do with football

With the Bears as the center of the podcast, count Schlereth among the non-believers when it comes to how they’ve handled the quarterback position. Never mind the fact Schlereth has never played, coached or scouted the position in his football career. He at least offered a straightforward, if generic take on the teams’ new top draft choice.

“I have no idea. The plan is potential. You know what potential usually gets you? Fired. Potential usually gets you fired.

What is Mitchell Trubisky? What did he start, 13 games in his career at North Carolina? Yeah, he’s a strapping dude. A big dude. A good athlete. Good arm. All those kind of things. That is all great. I don’t know if it will translate.”

Nobody knows if it will translate, Mark. That same exact statement can be used for every draft pick ever, but moving on. There is no reason to shoot down Schlereth for those comments. He’s entitled to his opinion as is everybody else. Where it got well out of hand was when the conversation shifted to Glennon.

Then things got personal

It started innocently enough with him taking the Bears to task for spending all that money and then shifting gears to draft Trubisky. That it reeked of desperation. Then Schlereth took it three steps across the line.

“Mike Glennon [has] the world’s longest neck. He should be in a circus. Shouldn’t he? You ever look at that dude? He’s freakish.”

Come on, man. You’re supposed to be a respected member of the media who keeps it clean. I understand it’s a podcast and you’re trying to be edgy but attacking another human being for the way he looks? That’s what bullies do and it makes for shit listening. To hear the full rant, just click the link below. (34:50)

Hopefully not everybody will subscribe to that way of thinking.

PHOTOS: The Cubs Are Making The Most Of Their All-Star Break

By
Gus
-

With only one day left until they return back to playing ball, some members of the Chicago Cubs are soaking up every last minute of their All-Star break. The four-day mini vacation couldn’t have come at a better time for the Cubs as they stumbled through the first half of the season finishing 5.5 games behind the Milwaukee Brewers in the NL Central. The break has given members of the team (and fans) a much needed mental break from the physical and emotional stress of a very long baseball season.

Here’s where some of them were:

Jake Arrieta and Justin Grimm traveled to Austin, Texas to hang out in John Lackey’s pool.

All-Star break is officially on it's way!!! 🙌🏻 #familyandfriendstime #austinbound ✈️

A post shared by Gina Grimm (Nuccio) (@gina_grimm) on

Javier Baez brought Hector Rondon and his dad bod back to his home in Puerto Rico.

All Star Break 🌟 Vacation 🌴☀#PuertoRico #Vacations #Family #JB9 #ElMago

A post shared by Javier Báez ⚾ (@javy23baez) on

Addison Russell hung out with his kids in his hometown of Pensacola, Florida. After all of Russell’s off-the-field issues, it’s good to see him spending some quality family time.

That boy got curls for days🐒

A post shared by Addi Russell (@addison_russell) on

Koji Uehara spent a little bit of time doing some grilling. Also, Koji clearly is not a fan of cropping photos.

Anthony Rizzo and his new fiance, Emily Vakos got plenty of R and R in the Bahamas.

🛥📍💏

A post shared by Anthony Rizzo (@arizz_44) on

Ben Zobrist and his wife Julianna participated in what she called an “All-Love Break.”

Takin this river MVP style. #allLOVEbreak

A post shared by Julianna Zobrist (@juliannazobrist) on

And the best one out of the group has to be Kris Bryant. While the rest of his teammates were traveling all over the place, Bryant, staying true to his reputation, spent the break at home in Las Vegas. So what did he do when he got there? Looked at pictures with his wife in their old high school year book.

I’m glad to see most of the guys doing things that have nothing to do with baseball. Let’s hope the All-Star break will have these guys rejuvenated and ready to play some great baseball in the second half of the season.

Chicago Cubs Swipe ESPY Award for Best Moment of 2016

By
Erik Lambert
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chicago cubs
Credit: ESPN

The Chicago Cubs 108-year championship drought was the stuff books are written about. It was the single-most notable sports curse in the entirety of professional sports. Everybody knew it was going to be a landmark moment if and when it was finally broken. Then in 2016, thanks to a group of unforgettable characters, it happened.

In one of the greatest baseball games ever played, the Cubs completed an incredible World Series comeback from down 3-1 to beat the Cleveland Indians in the 10th inning of Game 7. The moment was so magical that the euphoria from the event stretched out a number of weeks after. So it stands to reason they’d be a favorite to win at least one or two categories at the acclaimed ESPY awards.

To the surprise of nobody, that moment came to pass when they snatched the trophy for Best Sports Moment of 2016.

It’s unclear whether they’ll be taking home anymore hardware before the night is over. Given the magnitude of their accomplishment one would think so. However, 2016 was a year of incredible Cinderella stories. Just winning this one is yet another way to etch their memory into the history books as one of the greatest single accomplishments in sports history. One over a century in the making.

Sure their 2017 campaign hasn’t gone according to plan, but it will never erase what they did. If Cubs fans could hang on for 108 years, they can endure anything. Their never-ending faith was rewarded and is forever cemented now. Nothing will ever equal what happened that fateful night in November of 2016.

Bears Coordinator Cracks List of Top 2018 Head Coach Candidates

By
Erik Lambert
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vic fangio and dowell loggains

One would think the Chicago Bears coordinators wouldn’t be prime options for NFL head coaching jobs in 2018. Not after the team went 3-13 last year. However, that’s not the case. There is so much that goes into identifying and hiring a head coach. Team record is a part of it, but there’s also other factors. Chief among them is age, experience, accomplishment and how he interviews.

Don’t forget Anthony Lynn, Doug Marrone and Sean McDermott all got head jobs this year and their teams didn’t do well last season. So it was interesting to see the list of possible 2018 head coaching candidates will be by ESPN insiders. One because it feature a Bears name on the list. First on the list as it turns out.

Also it represents a list the team may be looking into next year if John Fox fails to get significant progress out of this roster over the next few months.

Bears coordinators crack the list but it’s not who we thought

Ask the question of who on the Bears coaching staff is a head coaching candidate, almost everybody would say the same thing. It has to be Vic Fangio. The defensive coordinator has a long track record of success dating back to the late 1980s. He’s done well despite serious talent deficiencies and injury problems in Chicago too. One could say his chance at a top job is long overdue.

Seems the experts don’t agree. Instead they view his opposite, offensive coordinator Dowell Loggains, as the name to watch.

“He served as the offensive coordinator under Mike Munchak and then was the quarterbacks coach under Adam Gase in Chicago before Gase took his playcalling talents to South Beach. If the Bears’ offensive coordinator can make Mike Glennon (or Mitch Trubisky) look good this season, he’s one to watch.”

It seems rather hard to accept at first, but there are certain things to keep in mind. He’s 36-years old. NFL teams tend to prefer younger coaches these days. His background is in quarterbacks, another big trend over the past few years. Last but not least, he had more success last season than people realize.

The Bears finished ranked 15th in total yards in 2016. This despite having three different quarterbacks start games for them and being forced to start a rookie at running back. Throw in a multitude of injuries to key offensive linemen and by rights they shouldn’t have played that well. It’s a testament to his ability to adjust and prepare that they did.

Fans may not have noticed, but keen-eyed NFL people sure did.

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