Friday, December 19, 2025

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Ranking Cubs Draft Picks By The Most Important Factor: Their Names

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7. Nico Hoerner

Nico Hoerner was taken 24th overall in the draft out of Stanford and it’s pretty simple here, the name Nico is short and sweet. Plus, it’d be great to have Tony Rizzo and Nico on the same team in the infield.

And you know, the t-shirt potential of “Hoerner Makes Me Horny” is great too. Not really sure why there’s a sex theme so far, but there is.

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