Wednesday, December 1, 2021

The Crosstown Cup Is The Most Meaningless Award In Sports Because You Can’t Even Drink Out Of It

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After four long years the Chicago Cubs FINALLY won the crosstown series again, defeating the White Sox 6-3 on Thursday to claim the most prestigious award known to mankind.



Wait, you can’t even drink out of the cup? Well, never mind then.

Yes, because the Cubs hadn’t won the crosstown series since 2013, most of the players on the roster now got to see it for the first time. However, you could really tell they were excited to win it.

Via the Chicago Tribune:

“I didn’t actually know there was a cup until it was actually there,” Schwarber admitted.

Cubs third baseman Kris Bryant knew beforehand there was some prize that went to the winner but added: “I don’t even know what it is. I don’t think we’ve won it in my two years. But that’s OK.”

To put it mildly, no one on the Cubs really cared whether they won it.

“No, we care about the trophy at the end of the thing,” Bryant said, referring to the World Series championship trophy. “That’s the biggest one there is. There is none bigger.”

Oh.

Well, at least it’s a cup and you can drink out of it, right?

The Cubs hoisted the cup for a team photo afterward, then brought it into the clubhouse to celebrate. Asked where winning the cup stood among his career accomplishments, Kyle Hendricks didn’t hesitate.

“It has to be No. 1,” Hendricks said with a grin. “It’s the first time I’ve gotten it, so it’s top of the list for me. I had heard guys talking about it, but I didn’t know there was a hole in the bottom of it.”

A hole?

“Yeah, we tried to put beer in there, and it went right through the bottom,” he said. “Really worked out. So I guess it clearly has been a few years since we got it.”

What a complete waste of a fake trophy created to hype up a fake rivalry.



Aldo Soto
“Sports are dumb and so much fun at the same time.” A lead writer at Sports Mockery for over five years.

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